You have met the woman of your dream. She is beautiful, funny, and everything you were looking for in a mate. But are you compatible in bed? This is an important part of any good relationship but it doesn’t have to be a complete matchup. There should be enough give and take to compromise and meet in the middle. The thing is you have to decide which things are deal breakers for you and the same on her end. If you don’t address these issues now, you are just creating a justifiable reason to seek sexual comfort elsewhere in the future.
You can’t make a decision if you are sexually compatible when you first become involved because sex has just as much to do with trust and love than it does with technique and stamina. When you love someone the sensation is that much more emphasized, it seems to have more meaning, and your feelings of love seem to wash completely over you adding to the already great feelings you are experiencing through sexual relations.
But there are things that you need to consider and decide how the two of you are going to deal with them if you plan on staying together. Everyone is entitled to having their needs met so the way that you compromise so you each get what you want is important. The way you negotiate this issue will certainly let you know how future negotiations regarding other issues will play out.
If she is a cuddler and you are not, you both need to decide how important this issue is. Maybe she doesn’t need to spoon every single time you have sex and maybe you don’t have to roll over and fall asleep after every sexual romp.
Most women like foreplay a lot more than men. This is another area that you will need to creatively address. Maybe you can get a Kama Sutra book and practice different ways to start the act of foreplay together. You can make it exciting and fun instead of boring and demanding.
A major issue will have to do with oral sex – who wants it, who doesn’t, who wants to orchestrate it, and again, who doesn’t. Every issue that you have to address regarding sex you have to realize has to really do with everyone you have ever had sex with up until now. If one person made a remark about something you did in the midst of passion that made you feel uncomfortable chances are you haven’t done it again. But how would you know if this particular person wouldn’t be the one person who would have loved it?
So just agree that this is an extremely personal and intimate area of give and take. It will determine your entire future with this person. If you feel the need to work with a sexual therapist you would be smart to start sessions right away. It will help you to work together and it will be the one place where you will look forward to your homework assignments.
Speaking of the past, even though you can’t help but carry it with you because it has made you, good or bad, the lover you are today, try not to compare or make comments with any kind of judgement attached. Everyone is different and everyone has their own moves. When you really care about someone and even are experiencing growing feelings of love for this person, handle with care. Sex is an area that everyone wants to be good at but few are willing to find out how to do just that. With all of the changes in the world many people are still embarrassed about sex.
Try to maintain a good and honest level of communication with each other. Be willing to learn new things together, this will bring you closer and you will be creating new experiences that will soon become fond memories: “Remember when we got that book and tried to…” Any way that you can expand your sexual relationship together will be a good thing. It is a relationship that you will only have uniquely with this person so cherish every moment.